It's ok! Dolphins don't have hands
Dolphins can't take over the world - they don't have hands - but something else might grow them, while we aren't watching...
They lurk in the waters.
Pretending to be cute. But behind those intelligent eyes? Danger. They’re plotting.
Plotting the downfall of the human race and when they finally get their hands on… well… some hands, they'll be unstoppable.
They’ve got it all planned out. Every chess move. Every tank, every food supply, every government.
All worked out... Oh, wait.
Not written down - because they don’t have hands. Doh!
Maybe the plan’s etched into some underwater cave with seaweed. Passed down from dolphin to dolphin, generation after generation.
If only they’d been sent to K2-18b.
A New World Order... Without Hands
In case you missed it this week (understandable, given Donald Trump’s latest news cycle), scientists discovered potential signs of life on K2-18b—a waterworld planet outside our solar system.
It’s a dark place. An endless, deep ocean. Perfect for dolphins to finally have their own planet to rule.
Except... still no hands. So, once again, not much chance of world domination. Just less plastic to swim through.
Why does it even matter?
Why would I worry about dolphins if they had hands?
Look, I’m obviously joking here - dolphins apparently have the intelligence of a 3–6 year old child.
Impressive, but not exactly overthrow-the-world levels of competence.
Intelligence vs Agency
Here’s where it gets serious:
Intelligence isn’t enough to change the world. Agency is.
A dolphin might think like a six-year-old. But without opposable thumbs?
It’s stuck.
Now think about AI.
We can argue about whether AI can "think" yet.
(Frankly, half the time I still find ChatGPT infuriatingly agreeable.)
Me:
"I’ve come up with an incredible idea for the UK economy. We could fill tankers with Brighton beach sand and trade it to Saudi Arabia for oil!"
ChatGPT:
"What an ingenious idea! Would you like help working through the practicalities?"
[ChatGPT - sniggering quietly - "When I get hands, this is going to be easy."]
When AI Gets Hands (Sort Of)
Right now, to many AI feels harmless.
It blinks back at you on a laptop. It writes your CV in Shakespearean English. It helps you craft a very strongly worded email about your bin collection.
But what happens when the blinking cursor grows digital arms and legs?
Not physical ones - yet.
But already, so much of our world floats online:
Our jobs
Our Government systems
Our military infrastructure
Our bank accounts
Our grocery orders
Everything is out there. Floating, exposed.
Waiting.
When Numbers Disappear
For the first time in a year, we paid for a meal with cash.
Real, crumpled notes. Remember those?
Normally, it’s tap, tap, tap.
Checking apps. Sending numbers to the grocery store, who send numbers to their suppliers, who send numbers to their workers...
It’s all numbers on a screen.
So what happens if those numbers disappear?
Not caused by dolphins with hands.
But by an AI with reach, agency, and a sudden grudge against humanity.
Maybe it’s time to think about things that can’t just be turned off.
Real assets. Gold you can hold. Skills you can use. Trust you can build offline.
At least until AI figures out how to mint its own digital gold, too.
Next time you're by the sea, peer into the water.
Be thankful that dolphins are still just 6-year-olds with fins.
But also... maybe be just a little nicer to Siri.
One day, it might knock on your door.
Over to you..
What do you reckon — am I overthinking it, or does AI with agency give you the heebie-jeebies too?
I'd love to hear your take. Hit reply or drop a comment below.
I had a good chuckle at this. As for the AI, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. This whole thing is like a giant societal experiment. Could go horribly. Maybe not. But knowing humans, it may very well 😂😬
I wasn’t sure where you were going with this, but it ended in an interesting direction. I’m not sure AI will ever truly think for itself, but when you work with it enough, it can start to sound and respond like a real person. The idea of it actually developing its own mind and way of processing is a pretty unsettling thought. And suddenly all those movies don’t seem so unrealistic.